The most important thing you will see all year

Breaking news: Dog gives man receipt.

Here are three important things that I noticed about this video.

1. The male customer looks like Chaz Bono.

2. The receptionist keeps a straight face almost the entire time because she's trying to act like this is no big deal, even though she knows that it totally is.

3. See how badly that other dog wants a treat, but Chaz doesn't give him one because he wasn't involved in the receipt delivery process.

Bad rimming equals bad porn. Fact.

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[Review/Recap] Dance Moms Season 2 Premiere

I don't believe in guilty pleasures. It's actually a term that I despise. Most people use it when they're insecure about enjoying something lowbrow, so they try and laugh it off as a "guilty pleasure" just to avoid a few scoffs and eyerolls from a few judgmental douche bags who are just as insecure as they are.

Lifetime's Dance Moms is one show that's often lumped into the guilty pleasure category, but I don't feel one shred of shame in professing my love for it. It's my favorite reality series since Celebrity Rehab -- I just can't get enough of Abby Lee Miller and the troupe of catty, middle-class white women who subject their children to her abusive tirades on a daily basis in exchange for their fifteen minutes in the spotlight.

After a headline-grabbing first season, Dance Moms returned last week to kick-off season 2 in a predictably dramatic fashion. But before the catfights began, the most noticeable thing at first was how most of the cast had upgraded their looks for the show's return. Abby was done up like Southern prostitute, all big hair, make-up, and sparkles, with her chubby hands adorned in jewelry and bright fake nails. Kelly and Michelle looked the same, but Christi looked like she had just raced straight from the salon to the set, her hair looking noticeably more peroxided than usual.